This is the home stretch for the Christmas season, and as is customary for this time of the year, there’s a lot of discussion online about the kinds of gifts we should buy for our children.
Should we buy toys at all?
Should we only buy toys which are made sustainably?
Should we only buy toys which are purchased at the local town toy store?
Should we buy gendered toys? Princess toys for girls? What toys are appropriate for girls?
Should we ever purchase video games?
How should gift giving fit into a faith based celebration of Christmas?
These questions point to a couple of different common parental anxieties. We want to be good parents for our children. What kind of toys does a good parent get for their children? Do we give them the toys they want? Do we give them the toys we want? Do we give them toys which will hopefully not turn them into sociopaths? Do we give them toys which will force them to use their imagination? Do we give them the toys that will make them future geniuses and Nobel Prize winners? Do we give them toys which will convey our values to them? Of course, as people of faith, we also want our daughters to know that Christmas is about celebrating Jesus’ birthday, and so how do we do this, without falling hopelessly prey to Christmas consumerism?
Do you ever have any anxiety around Christmas gift giving for your children?
Although, I care a lot about sustainability, I’m not sure that I’m ready to give my children all hand-made toys. Not that I’m criticizing those who give their children hand-made toys. I just happen to have the craft skills of a primate, which is probably not giving enough credit to primates. My attempt to practice Christmas more sustainably this year largely involved me going through our basement to find things that could be reused, or reimagined as gifts. Not a bad decision. Then again I don’t think my girls are old enough for my collection of foreign language reference books.
Our oldest daughter unfortunately is a stuffed animal hoarder. Johanna loves her stuffed animals, and despite our best effort to take some of her animals on journey to “a faraway special place”, our daughter thwarts our best efforts to cull the herd.
In fact, Johanna recently told Carla that she had picked her future marriage partner.
Since our daughter still gets grossed out anytime she sees her parents kissing, I couldn’t help but wonder who our daughter had chosen for her mate.
Carla tried reminding Johanna that she had plenty of time to think about such questions of great import. She wouldn’t be getting married for a very long long time.
As it turns out Johanna wanted to get married to her oldest and most beloved teddy bear.
An old picture of my daughter with my future son in law
Then after thinking about it, Johanna realized it would be silly to marry her favorite stuffed animal, since this would be like marrying her child. She would clearly have to pick a different stuffed animal to marry.
As it turns out my two daughters are very different in their sensibilities when it comes to toys.
Johanna hates princess stuff and pink. She doesn’t want receive clothes as a present. She likes doing science experiments and cooking with her mom.
Emma on the other hand loves princess stuff and pink and likes wearing dresses. If Emma received five dresses for Christmas, she would probably be ecstatic and then she’d try to wear all five dresses at once. Emma is not as much into doing experiments and tends not to be obsessed with any of her toys.
Lately, I’ve read a fair number of articles online about toys that are appropriate for girls. I find at least some of the dialogue around toys for girls to be a little disingenuous, because the people selling science toys for girls aren’t doing this because they’re humanitarians or philanthropists. They’re not even selling science toys for girls primarily because of idealism. These people are selling science toys for girls, because they’re trying to make wads of money, and they’re looking for the next Furbie or Cabbage Patch doll. They want my cash.
Don’t get me wrong, when it comes to buying toys for my girls, I’m as easy to manipulate as the next guy. We buy toys that we think “good parents” should be getting their children. We get educational toys. We get toys that are supposedly designed to help them use their imagination. Gift that encourage an interest in nature and creativity are always a parental favorite.
That said, when it comes to toys we’ve generally tried to think outside of the gender box. We don’t want our girls to think that any toys are off limits to them (with the exception of toy guns). We’ve gotten our girls fire trucks, and dump trucks, hot wheels, superhero action figures and remote control cars, but interestingly they liked these toys no more than their Barbies. Over the years, We’ve learned that it’s pretty much impossible to pick out toys for our girls, because they like what they like, and sometimes even they don’t know what they like.
Inevitably, I’ve learned that the Christmas gifts we purchase each year are more a reflection of us as parents. The gifts I buy my children are often related to my own parental guilt and insecurity as a parent. Feeling guilty at the ways I fall short as a parent, I give my daughters extravagant gifts. Feeling insecure as a parent, I give my daughter an educational toy or game.
In the end, despite all of the work of the best child psychologists, there is no predicting which toys our children will love. As it so happens, my oldest daughter still loves her old teddy bear the most. As if to put a punctuation point to this article, last night Johanna went to her bedroom, placed one of her teddy bears in box with some bedding and read a book aloud to it. Which is all to say that for all of my insecurity about buying gifts for my children, they still manage to find ways to mystify and astound me. My daughters may or may not grow up to be scientists, but I hope they will always remain sensitive and loving.
What is the best toy you’ve ever received as a child? What is the best toy you’ve ever given as a parent?
